I’m sort of “new-ish” to blogging.
I say “new-ish”, because I used to have a blog when I ran my own business, but I’m finding out the Blogging World changed quite a bit when I was “on sabbatical”. It seems everyone is about “monetizing” their blog; in other words, making money from their writing…turning it into a “cash cow”. This has set me back some as I try to establish what I want to achieve here.
Please don’t get me wrong! I am all about loving your work and making your passions be your career, but I didn’t re-start my blog to make money. I started this blog to talk to everyone, or no one, or just myself about what brought me to this particular place in life.
So–in case you missed it–here is “my story” up until now in a nutshell:
Successful woman in her 30’s wakes up one day and finds out she can no longer live the life she created as an executive in a local company. One day, when her new boss–who seems hellbent on destroying her– pushes her a little too hard, she cracks. Into a million pieces. She just couldn’t “pull it together” anymore. And, strangely enough, she doesn’t want to. She has a weird life changing experience that affirms she can no longer continue faking everything. And, to make things interesting, a few weeks later she finds out she is pregnant with her first child.
She spends her pregnancy trying to figure out what went wrong and coming to the realization that her dysfunctional husband has become severely addicted to several substances and has no interest in changing himself. After several scary episodes with her druggy husband, she realizes she must toss him out to save herself and her infant son. Of course, the husband does not go willingly or without causing some major financial and emotional troubles.
The woman spends nearly ten years of extreme lows (and a few highs) trying to reinvent her life, because she can’t go back to the old life. By the age of 2, her son is diagnosed with autism. So now she has to figure out how to take care of her autistic son, how to survive on her own, and how to figure out why this happened to her. Along the way, she finds out she, herself, has been living with Asperger’s all her life, which only adds to the “hot mess” that her life has become.
Seriously…how do you “monetize” that? How do I even blog about it? I literally lived 80% of my life not knowing what autism was, and now I’m finding myself looking backwards and forwards at once; examining my past through this lens called Asperger’s so that I can figure out how to make my son’s future better than I had it.
When you spend almost 40 years not knowing you have a disorder, it can be a weird experience when you suddenly find out that you now have a reason WHY you do or say things. Yes, I know, the horrific stuff should have been a clue…a BIG clue…a recurring clue. But, most of the time, I just didn’t understand what I did to mess something up. To keep my sanity, I told myself I was good at some things and bad at other things, just like everyone else; I never claimed perfection. Sure, I had some pretty remarkable gifts, but they got balanced out by my inability to relate to people.
How did I make it through college?
How did I land an awesome job, travel, develop some amazing talents and hobbies?
How did I survive all those horrific relationships and experiences?
-To Be Continued-